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Dan on Everything Else - Part 4: Wonderland
Dan on Everything Else _self-funded
software companies_
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Part 4: Wonderland
Down the rabbit hole and into the land of self-funded companies

"New Zealand? Why, no, of course not. Welcome to Wonderland, you
ignorant little girl!"
The Cat, of a Feline variety, Alice speculated, leaped off one
of the bookshelves and fell slowly alongside Alice. In another
situation, Alice might have observed that their velocity was not what
she was familiar with when falling in other circumstances, being that
the cupboards and bookshelves drifted lazily by. But, seeing that the
Cat was three times her size (an unusual circumstance in itself), it
did not occur to Alice.

Its founder is a self-funded company's biggest weakness.

The Cat groomed itself in mid-air, tumbling over gracefully to lick
its paws and comb its tail, ignoring Alice. Alice cared not one bit
for such treatment, being alternately insulted then ignored, but
seeing that she was in such a strange place with nobody else to talk
to, she thought it best to try to talk to the difficult beast.

Before she could speak, though, the Cat finished its activities,
looked her straight in the face, cocked its head and said, "I am the
President of a Company, you know."

Such an arrogant and unpleasant creature, Alice thought. "I see,"
Alice said politely. Then, as a courtesy, she asked, "What does your
Company do?"

"Software, hardware, firmware, webware, malware, spyware and,
occasionally, silverware. We are the best in the world at every kind
of ware."

"Oh, really. How many Employees do you have?" Alice didn't really
care much to know but it seemed best to indulge the creature in the
hopes that it would turn to more interesting topics eventually. She
and the Cat floated gently past several more bookshelves.

"Only myself," the Cat admitted glumly.
"Hmmm," Alice said, not knowing really what to say. Then, recalling
that Profit was something that often came up in conversations such as
these, she said: "I suppose that you have a good Profit as a result."

The Cat became even more glum. "No Profit. No Sales."

Now this struck Alice as strange: a Company with one Employee and
many Products but no Profits and no Sales. In her mind, she had
formed a question and was about to ask it but the Cat interrupted
her.

"Eureka!" the Cat shouted. The Cat began to talk quickly. "I'll make
vaporware! It's easy. It's simple. It'll sell itself. It's
purrrrr-fect. I'll knock it out over the weekend!" The Cat was giddy
with delight, licking its lips, purring, tumbling end over end in the
air and generally acting the fool.

Then, suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks
and dry leaves, and the fall was over.

Alice was not hurt a bit. She picked herself up but the Cat, of
course, landed on its feet. They were in an alcove, shelves above
them and small double doors where thrown open with sunlight streaming
in, leading out to the Garden.

The Cat, having forgotten about Alice, his Company, his one
Employee, his multitude of Products, his lack of Profit and his lack
of Sales, his new Product Idea and everything else, began to meow.
"Meow, meow!" he cried. "Where is my milk? Meow. Why doesn't The Man
bring me my saucer of milk? Meow. Meow. Meow." The Cat slipped
through the doors, its back rubbing against the top of the door
frame, meowing.

How strange, Alice thought. Such an intelligent creature but so
picky, self-indulgent and easily distracted.

Alice approached the double doors. The Cat could be heard, far away,
meowing for its milk.

Self-funded companies can try too hard to do everything themselves.


Beyond the doors, there was a little stream in the distance and,
beyond that, a hill with beautiful green grass.

Next to the stream, there was a neat little pile of beautiful,
brightly colored Easter Eggs. Alice held her breath: they were so
pretty. But, nearby the pretty eggs, a green figure ran around in
circles in a nervous fashion. He ran to and fro and Alice was so
worried that he'd accidentally run into the collection of beautiful
eggs that she did not have another thought until she had run down to
him.

The Frog looked up at her in surprise. He was a small frog, being
only slightly smaller than Alice and both of them somewhat smaller
than a single brightly colored egg.

The Frog opened his mouth to speak, but, suddenly, a whooping cry
came from the top of the hill. They both looked up the hill and three
beautifully painted eggs rolled lazily over the top of the hill.

The Frog closed his mouth with a snap and started running up the
hill. Alice, caught up in the moment, followed him. As the eggs
descended the hill, they picked up speed.

The Frog leaped at one of the eggs, arms outstretched, and bounced
off the egg like a rubber ball, slowing both himself and the egg
down. With an amphibian leap, he landed on the egg again, slipping
and sliding but somehow managing to bring the oversized treasure to a
stop.

Unafraid, Alice threw herself in front of another egg. It bounced
over her but she hung on, slipping and sliding, getting grass and mud
all over her dress (oh, Mama isn't going to like that at all!).
Still, with effort, she brought the second egg to a stop.

But, to Alice’s dismay, the third egg whipped between her and
the Frog unimpeded. As Alice watched in horror, the third egg sped
down the hill and, at the bottom, launched into the air off a little
tuft of grass near the small stream. Through the air, it flew in a
lazy arc until it dashed itself to bits in on the rocks in the center
of the stream. But, even more horrible, Alice now saw that the stream
was littered with the remains of dozens of broken Easter Eggs:
multi-colored egg shell shards, stringy broken yellow yolks, frothy
egg whites. In the breeze, Alice scented a terrible stench from the
dead eggs and she wanted to cry.

Alice and the Frog pushed, pulled and slid the saved Easter Eggs
down the hill to the neat little pile. The Frog, a very friendly and
earnest chap, thanked her profusely. But Alice, incensed by the
terrible waste, stamped her little foot and marched resolutely up the
hill. "I shall see who has muddied my dress and wasted such eggs and
I'll give them a good talking to!"

Self-funded companies reflect the prejudices of their founders.

At the crest of the hill, a splendid sight revealed itself on the
other side.

A long noisy wooden mechanism hoisted Easter Eggs from the bottom of
the hill to the top, using an ingenious collection of ropes, pulleys
and large wooden boxes. At the bottom of the hill, eggs entered the
hoisting mechanism from a large grid of criss-crossing wooden paths
that marked out grassy workspaces. In each workspace, a mouse sat in
an expensive black leather chair with a paintbrush in one hand and a
painting pallete in the other. Eggs, in various stages of
completion, were conveyed from one workspace to another by a
well-engineered system of wooden slides. When an egg arrived at a
particular workspace, the mouse would lean forward, adjust the large
golden magnifying glass attached to his chair and add a single
decoration with his paintbrush. When he was done, the egg would
automatically unseat itself from its position and roll gently on to
the next workspace. When the eggg was finished, it would slide into
the bottom of the hoisting mechanism and be conveyed to the top of
the hill.

"Come, lads!" a voice shouted so close to Alice that it gave her a
start. "Customers are waiting for those eggs! Put your back into it!"


Standing only a few yards below her, Alice saw a large mouse dressed
in an impressive military costume. He continued to encourage, exhort,
harangue and chastise the rest of the mice working below.

Before Alice could do anything, three finished Easter Eggs came off
the top of the hoisting mechanism. The wooden machinery shoved each
egg firmly, in a slight different trajectory. Using their momentum,
the eggs climbed the few remaining yards of the grassy slope to the
top of the hill and then disappeared out of sight as they rolled down
the other side where Alice had just come from.

Alice approached the Great Mouse in the military costume.

“Great Mouse,” Alice said tentatively, reflexively
catching her dress and curtsying, since the Great Mouse was quite
intimidating with his shouting, “the eggs come over the hill
too fast and the Frog cannot handle the volume. You must send him
help and slow down your production or else much of your effort will
be wasted.”

The Great Mouse turned to Alice with an icy glare. “Tell the
Frog that he will do his job or he will be fired.”
Alice tried to explain again but to no avail.
“Pish-posh,” replied the Great Mouse. “Frogs do
not understand mice or Easter Eggs. We are experts: we develop these
beautiful Easter Eggs. (The Great Mouse made a broad gesture.) Every
effort must be made to make development easier. No expense should be
spared in order to develop the best Easter Eggs possible. Development
is the only thing that matters!” The Great Mouse turned his
back, dismissing Alice with a hand wave.

Alice stamped her foot in frustration and shouted at the Great
Mouse’s back: “If you will not listen, I’ll find
somebody who will! When they do a better job, they’ll replace
such a short-sighted fool as yourself!”

Alice ran down the hill. At each workspace, Alice stopped and
pleaded with the mouse. But, at each and every one, she was
rebuffed.

“Frogs don’t understand mice!” the worker mice
shouted in unison. “Only a mouse can understand Easter Eggs!
Only the Great Mouse can lead this Company! Creating great Easter
Eggs is the only thing that matters!”

Crying and frustrated by their hard-headedness, Alice ran away from
the hill, the mice and the eggs. She ran haphazardly, not caring
where she went, until she was all alone and could only hear her own
labored breathing.

Self-funded companies rely heavily on a single person and fall apart
with him.

Tired from running, Alice slowed to a walk. After walking a few
minutes, she spotted a charming little cottage ahead. Next to the
cottage was a long wooden table where three animals worked.
A beautiful hat, made of feathers, lace and velvet passed from
animal to animal. The March Hare added a stitch, then passed it to
the Dormouse who sewed on a feather or lace, who then passed it to
the Mallard Duck who dyed the velvet by squirting dye from his bill.
Each seemed to know his job and be happy at his respective task.

"No, no, no, NO, NO, NO!"

From the head of the table, a short rotund man in a great felt top
hat leaned forward. "Subtract a stitch, loosen a feather and spit
water to wash out the dye! Let us produce Materials, not Products,
for how else could we have a Loss instead of Profit."

In frustration, the Mad Hatter threw up his hands, stood up, stomped
in the cottage and slammed the door.

Alice said to herself: "Surely, the others will now be even more
productive. They all clearly know their jobs well and don't need such
mercurial and dysfunctional leadership."

The March Hare, the Dormouse and the Mallard Duck paid no attention
to the Mad Hatter's outburst. The March Hare continued to add a
stitch. The Dormouse continued to sew on feathers. The Mallard Duck
continued to squirt dye.

But, in a minute or so, the March Hare ran out of thread. He
immediately turned and began to pluck hair from the Dormouse to use
it to stitch the hat. The Dormouse began to complain and, lacking
thread, began to stick his feathers into the hat, tearing the velvet
and breaking the feathers. The Mallard Duck squirted dye over the
torn mess, soiling the table and the other two animals. The animals
then began to jostle and tug at one another, forgetting their work
and everything else but their own gripes.

Alice rushed up to the table and seized the hat from the threesome,
lest it be damaged beyond repair.

"I have seen enough destruction for today," she exclaimed
indignantly, "to accept it from three such as yourselves. Each of you
has exceptional talents. But it seems that you cannot be trusted by
yourselves not to muck it all up."

The March Hare, the Dormouse and the Mallard Duck looked at her for
a moment and then resumed their fighting.

Alice put the hat on her head, turned and walked away.

"I suppose," she said to herself, "that the Mad Hatter is what I've
heard called the Entrepreneur. Despite his shortcomings, he is the
Thread that weaves the Company together. If he goes missing, the
Product falls apart into its component Materials. He can be All
Wrong, Upside Down and Backwards but, with him, it is a Company and,
without him, it is not."

Self-funded companies easily get too comfortable and fail to grow.


Alice walked along a little path.

As she walked, the hat began to twitch. In surprise, she pulled it
off her head. The hat now had eyes which blinked at her. As she held
it, the feathers transformed into a bushy tail while the velvet
transformed into course fur. The hat, now a baby fox, looked up at
her, licking its teeth. Alice set the fox down and it scampered out
of sight into the underbrush. How very odd, Alice thought.

"Not at all," came a sleepy, languid voice, "it is all very
ordinary."

Alice looked up and lounging on the top of a large red mushroom was
the Caterpillar. The Caterpillar stared at her with glassy eyes and
took a long puff from a large hookah pipe.

Alice replied crossly: "It may be very ordinary to somebody in your
condition (she tapped the hookah) but it is all very extraordinary to
me."

The Caterpillar took another long puff. "It is what it is. If you
buy one of my hookahs, it will still be what it is. Ordinary."

"I mean, it seems extraordinary to me."

"If I were you," the Caterpillar countered, "I'd talk about what it
is, not what it seems."

Confused, Alice changed the subject and pointed at the hookah: "If
you sell me your hookah, how will you smoke?"

"I shall make another one. My Company makes hookahs and pipes."

"You have a Company, too?" Everybody here seemed engaged in some
sort of business. Alice was beginning to find it all very dreary. "I
suppose that you sell tobacco as well."

"No," the Caterpillar replied. "Mexican jumping beans."
Alice laughed. "Why do you sell those?"

The Caterpillar put down his mouthpiece. "Because people buy them,
of course."

"How do hookahs and Mexican jumping beans go together?"

"They both sell very well."

Alice wrinkled her nose. "Wouldn't it make more sense to sell two
things that go together? That way, you might grow to dominate a
single area. You could also cross-sell. You might even be more
attractive to an acquirer who could easily fit your specialty into
his strategy. Tobacco would make more sense."

"Dollar bills go quite well together." A dazed and bored expression
came over the Caterpillar's face as he took another long puff from
the hookah.

"Wouldn't it be better to produce hookahs faster than one at a time?
If I were you, I'd be more ambitious."

"And, if I were you, I'd be less ambitious," the Caterpillar replied
dreamily.

To talk to somebody in such a state, Alice decided, is very
unproductive.

Getting the job done, not self-sufficency, is the best goal for
self-funded companies.

Alice turned and left the Caterpiller (who was almost asleep
anyways) and walked further along the little path. In the distance
ahead, Alice heard the flourish of trumpets. Eager to see the source
of the commotion, she doubled her pace and hurried along the little
path.

In a minute, Alice overtook the Snail who was going very slowly down
in the same direction.

"What's ahead?" Alice asked the Snail.

"The trial's beginning."

"What trial?"

The Snail ignored her question as it strained forward. "Come on!"

Alice watched as the Snail moved, obviously at his fastest pace,
but it was still such that she could take a step and sit down and
rest a good long while until the Snail would finally catch up.

"Good heavens!" Alice threw up her hands like Mama did when she was
exceedingly frustrated. Alice grasped his shell and picked up the
Snail in both hands in order to carry him along with her.

"Stop!" shouted the Snail at the top of his lungs. "I am perfectly
capable," he complained, "and I can move by myself. Thank you very
much!"

"It is not a matter of capability," Alice explained crossly, "but a
matter of efficiency. You move perfectly well but, if you allow me
to help you, you will get there much sooner."

"No thank you! I will do it all myself!"

"Suit yourself," replied Alice curtly. She ran up the path, quickly
leaving the Snail behind.

Grow.

The little path led to a little cobblestone road which led to a
little town square.

When Alice arrived, the King of Hearts was seated on his throne on a
stage at the far end, surrounded by a large crowd -- a whole pack of
cards in addition to many of the creatures that she had met so far,
such as the Frog, the Mallard Duck and so on. To the right, pawns,
knights and bishops from the chess set manned the Jury Box. The White
Rabbit stood next to the King with his trumpet lowered. The White
Rabbit then unrolled a piece of parchment and cried out:

"Bring out the Founder!"

The Ace of Hearts, in chains and flanked by two soldiers, was pulled
through the crowd and up onto the stage. The Ace's head hung low and
Alice felt quite sorry for him.

"Charge One: Growth!" the White Rabbit announced.

The Jury shouted in response: "Guilty!"

Alice murmured to herself as she pushed her way into the crowd:
"That seems unfair. No evidence has been given. No arguments have
been made. The Jury hasn't even deliberated. That's not a trial, like
I know, or at least, not a fair one. "

The Ace of Hearts raised his head in response. "I confess," he said,
addressing the King. "We hired people who did other things than build
products. We grew beyond our niche."

The King, on his throne, leaned forward to address the crowd. "Let
this be a warning to all Companies out there! Stay tiny and focused
on development! Be patient! Stay in your niche!"

Focus.

The White Rabbit bowed as the King sat back. Then the White Rabbit
announced:

"Charge Two: Marketing!"

"Guilty!" the Jury shouted.

The Ace of Hearts raised his head again. "I confess. Our products
aligned to sell each other. We grew beyond our niche."

The King responded sternly to the crowd: "Let this, too, be a
warning! Scatter your efforts! Be ordinary! Stay in your niche!"

Alice, moving towards the middle of the crowd, said softly, "What
absurd advice. How unfair! He should be rewarded, not punished, for
being capable and ambitious."

Cheerlead.

"Charge Three: Hype!"

"Guilty!"

The Ace was repentent. "I confess. We told our Employees every day:
'Here's how we win. Here's how we succeed.' We never stopped. We grew
beyond our niche."

The King called out: "Heed this warning! Be humble! Stay in your
niche!"

Alice, indignant, pushed towards the platform. "Ridiculous. Unfair.
It makes perfect sense for the Ace to lead his company."

Hearing the commotion, the White Rabbit shouted: "Silence in the
court!" The King put on his spectacles and looked over the crowd to
see who was speaking.

Stop being a developer; be a businessman.

"Charge Four: Profit!"

"Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!" The Jury called out their judgement with
reckless abandon.

The Ace of Hearts sobbed. "I confess," he cried through his hands.
"We rewarded people with growth and money, instead of interesting
assignments and fancy office chairs. We grew beyond our niche."

The King of Hearts bellowed: "Guilty on all four counts! Off with
his head!"

Alice burst through the front of the crowd. Incensed by the
unfairness of it all, she shouted at the King:

"Tyrant!"

"Who dares to speak?" The King of Hearts leapt from his throne.

Alice braced herself. "You condemn him for no longer being a Worker
Bee. But a Company Founder is no longer a specialist but a
businessman and an entrepreneur. For his company to thrive, he must
change his Ambition, his Product, his Employees and his Measure of
Success to make the entire company succeed. A Company is not about
Technological Success, it is about Business Success!"

Two soldiers grabbed Alice by the arms and hoisted her on the stage.


Enraged, the King of Hearts shouted: "Such insolence! Off with her
head!"

Then, turning to the Jury, the King said: "Off with their heads!"


Then, turning to the crowd, he announced: "Off with all their
heads!"

Alice, in tears, shouted back: "For what? If somebody tries to
raise his head up, it is cut off? If a Company is formed from nothing
but the Founder's hard work, he must try to see the Business and not
just the Work. He must be allowed to change because, if he cannot
change, the company cannot change and an unchanging company will
easily stagnate."

As Alice spoke, Alice grew. At first, she became taller than the
King. Then, twice as tall as the King. Then, three times as tall. And
she kept growing.
The Chessmen in the Jury looked up at Alice: "Guilty! Guilty!
Guilty!"

The King of Hearts, purple with rage, pointed upward at Alice and
shouted: "Off with her head!"

"Who cares about you?" said Alice (she had grown to her full size by
this time). "You're nothing but a pack of cards!"

Alice kicked over the jury box, sending the chessmen sprawling. The
cards fluttered up in the air all around her. With a small scream,
half in fright, half in anger, she beat the cards away from her
dress.

"Alice!" In the distance, Alice heard Mama calling her.

Alice looked around. The animals had scattered. The playing cards
and chess pieces lay scattered on the grass, inanimate.

"Phooey on you," she said to her playthings. Then, she ran to tell
Mama about her adventures.

Wonderland.
If you liked this article, you might also like by Lewis Carroll.

Copyright (c) 2004-2006 by Daniel Howard and his
licensors. All rights reserved.